A FEW THOUGHTS ON INTROSPECTION: PART ONE

Dear Karyn/Elizabeth,

When you re writing introspection, is it appropriate to include "he/she thought" after a thought, or not? Is it simply implied that it is the characters thoughts?

Carey

Dear Carey --

What the romance genre demands of us as writers is to create a high degree of intimacy in our work. Part of the reason readers chose romance is because they want to know the details, the sensations, the feelings, and the thoughts of the characters we create. They want to get under their skin to a degree that is uncommon – and perhaps even unattainable – in real life. Perhaps that's the attraction of reading romance, why our books have the power to capture people's imagination, take them out of their own lives, and sometimes even assuage their loneliness.

Writing thoughts, introspection, internal dialogue, and even flashbacks heighten this sense of intimacy and is an integral part of what we do. So it's important to learn to do it well. Let's start exploring this topic by looking at the basic rules for expressing a character's thoughts.

It they are fleeting, something that appears in the midst of description, action, or dialogue, the thoughts are almost always written in plain text -- never with quotation marks. Only VERY occasionally are thoughts expressed in italics, and then only for great emphasis.

I will spare you my rant on overuse of italics, but suffice it to say italics is one of the most exacting tools in a writer s toolbox, and should be used with skill and care.

The use of "he thought," "she thought," "he ruminated," or "she extrapolated" are all acceptable indications that a character s brain is engaged. Of course, "he thought," like "he said" draws much less attention to itself in text than more colorful language -- though an occasional "she mused" may be the exact right way to go in certain situations. If you find yourself reaching for your thesaurus to look up a synonym for the verb form of thought, your characters are probably attributing their thinking too much or, as a writer, you're trying too hard.

All tags, be they used in thought or in dialogue, should be added with a light hand. As a rule of thumb, "he/she thought" probably shouldn't be used unless it serve some purpose besides identifying the thinker. These seem like places where "he/she thought" does something besides run up the word count.

-- For an abandoned cottage, he thought, this seemed to have an extremely well-tended garden. (To add emphasis, to cast the parts of this sentence in sharp relief, to imply that all may not be what it seems.)

-- It never hurt to be prepared, she thought with a grin, and packed her Nikes for the trip to Pamplona. (Conveys attitude)

-- Why on earth, his mother cried, did you propose to a woman without a penny to bless her, when you might have married an heiress? Well, he thought, the depth of her decollete might have had something to do with it. (To make it clear this isn't spoken aloud.)

"He/she thought" sometimes acts as a spacer in a sentence. It gives the reader a moment to ingest what is being said. It can act as a transition between two bits of information. It can clarify a character s motives. It can help create that intimacy romance readers crave.

"He/she thought" can also slow the narrative and interrupt the flow of action or dialogue. So use it sparingly. As in much of life, less is more.

Which is why, my friends, I'm leaving this topic without addressing internal dialogue and flashbacks and the advantages of using point of view to create intimacy with your characters. I figure (as opposed to think), I ll take a swing at those things next time.

Have a productive month,